Infidelity Therapy

Are You Trapped in the Aftermath of Infidelity?

• Do you and your partner struggle with emotional pain that colors all your interactions in the wake of cheating or infidelity of some type?  

• Do you struggle with feeling mistrust of your partner because of them going behind your back to cheat?  

• Do you suffer from feelings of grief and loss because the person you thought you could trust has betrayed you? 

• Do you wonder if the both of you will ever get back to any degree of trust in the wake of cheating that has devastated your relationship or that you both are headed for divorce?

• Do you feel traumatized by the whole experience of infidelity, either by your partner’s betrayal or how much you have lost the trust of your partner because of your cheating?

You may be sick of obsessing about your partner and their betrayal. You may feel a ton of guilt and/or shame if you are the offending partner, and may be clueless about how to rebuild the trust you lost in your partner’s eyes.  It may not seem like this at the time, but trust can be rebuilt in the wake of infidelity through transformative therapy after infidelity.  In fact, two-thirds of marriages survive infidelity, but only a fraction of these have the benefit of an infidelity therapist.  A new relationship can emerge from the ashes of the old with the experience of infidelity recovery.  

Infidelity is An Issue in So Many Relationships Nowadays

With the advent of computer and cell phone technology, affairs and other forms of infidelity have become very commonplace.  The famous couples therapist Esther Perel has said of our times that “it’s never been easier to cheat, but it’s never been harder to keep it a secret” because of this.  Infidelity used to also be more of a gender-specific phenomenon associated with males, but now that women are just as much a part of the work force as men they too are engaging in affairs and other forms of infidelity at significant rates.  It’s about opportunity, which leads to increased temptation to cheat.  Regardless of gender, infidelity is a devastating thing for the uninvolved partner and may often be related to unresolved family of origin issues for the partner who cheats.  One of these is a family history or infidelity by one of the parents.  Sometimes the uninvolved partner also has a history of cheating in their family as well.  Whatever the case, infidelity therapy is essential to giving your relationship a fresh start and can be used in conjunction with individual therapy for infidelity to help one or both partners in their recovery journey.   The worst thing you can do is to harbor lifelong resentment and contempt at your partner for either their transgressions or at their apparent lack of forgiveness for those of the offending partner.  So many people try to limp along in their relationships without realizing there is a way out of the cycle of bitterness and blame.  Repairing and rebuilding trust is possible and it helps to have a trained infidelity therapist to guide the way.   

Infidelity Therapy Can Give Your Relationship a New Start

Instead of just trying to teach skills and make superficial repairs in your relationship, my brand of infidelity therapy is meant to transform your relationship into something new that will fundamentally change how you relate to your partner and to yourself. The old ways of relating that helped give rise to the infidelity need to stop and make way for those that give life to each other and the ecosystem of the relationship that can sustain it and both of you indefinitely.  That being said, I’m very practical in my approach as an infidelity therapist and view it as a partnership with my clients.  I collaborate with both of you to rebalance what surely was an out of balance way of relating, while also working to help rebuild the trust that has eroded because of the infidelity and likely dishonesty that went with it.  

It all starts with a free virtual 20-minute video consult with you and your partner to find out if I am a fit for your situation, and from there we would meet in person for an initial couples session before meeting at 2 separate individual sessions so I can assess each of you on your own.  Once those are completed, you will resume meeting with me as a couple from that point on.  Sometimes getting individual therapy for infidelity is necessary, and I can either provide referrals for one or both of you or potentially work with partners myself if we agree that would be helpful.  I have trained with renowned author and therapist Terry Real in the Relational Life Therapy (RLT) model, and am also familiar with the Gottman and Emotionally Focused couples therapy models.  I have been working with clients my entire career in helping them to rebuild their relationships and in infidelity recovery to have lives and relationships that are full, rich, and authentic.  And as I mentioned above, most marriages survive infidelity even without infidelity therapy, but you are meant to thrive and prosper, individually and as a couple, instead of just surviving.  You have certainly suffered mightily because of having to deal with infidelity, and it has taken a tremendous toll on your marriage and possibly your entire family.  It doesn’t have to be a miserable drudge leading indefinitely into the future.  As long as both you and your partner want to engage in infidelity recovery there is a way to heal the emotional pain you live with, as well as to deal with the grief and mistrust you have to live with on a daily basis.  Trust can come back over time along with resolving the trauma that came with the shock of betrayal that started everything in motion.  

You Still May Have Concerns About Infidelity Therapy…

It will make things worse with my partner.

This is certainly a possibility.  There’s so much emotion connected to infidelity on both sides that it can possibly worsen things for a while.  Sometimes a partner has an addiction that needs to be addressed, and coming into therapy can bring this to light.  There’s also the anger from being betrayed and guilt/shame from having cheated that can sometimes show up as anger.  The main thing to focus on is that you need to recover from this breach of trust and if difficult feelings get stirred up, that’s necessary for the infidelity therapy process.   

The therapist will blame the cheating partner for everything.

My treatment model is a no-blame model with my clients.  It puts the blame squarely on toxic cycles that couples get into and puts a focus on accountability between partners instead.  Sometimes there is more focus on the involved partner because of the harm they have done to the relationship, family, and themselves.  If this happens, it is to help transform an unhealthy relationship into one that works for both partners and serves to help everyone involved to thrive and prosper going forward.  

It will take too long or I don’t have the time for infidelity therapy.

My treatment model is designed to be more short term and your marriage and family are worth it.  It doesn’t necessarily need to take more than 4 to 6 months before you and your partner have the tools you need to completely rebuild your relationship.  Sometimes my clients choose to stay in therapy longer because of particular circumstances that necessitate it, but that is intended to be the exception and not the rule.  

You Can Recover From the Devastation of Infidelity Together

If you would like to schedule an appointment or discuss any questions you may have regarding infidelity recovery, please call me at 512-648-3053.  You can also fill out a form at the bottom of the page and I will get back to you to schedule the virtual consultation mentioned above within 24 hours.  A new thriving relationship is possible for you, so I encourage you to reach out to make a start towards helping that to happen.