Compulsive or Out of Control Sexual Behavior

Photo courtesy of Adobe Images

Photo courtesy of Adobe Images

Are You In The Grip of Compulsive or Out of Control Sexual Behavior?

Are you constantly trying to avoid falling into compulsive sexual behavior that is ruining your life, but unable to?

Do you spend a lot of time and money engaged in these behavior(s)?

Are you continually dealing with the consequences of sexual behavior?

 This or these behavior(s) keeps you from focusing on other things in your life.  It leaves you enslaved to it and nothing else can take its place.  It may help you cope with pain or boredom, but ultimately leaves you feeling worse than before you starting using it or bingeing on it.  Your single biggest problem is all the nightmarish consequences of the behavior(s) you feel enslaved to:  the cost, the lies and deceit, the relationships with others you love and have suffered because of your sexual behavior.  It is also the feeling of how out of control it all is in your life despite your efforts to control it. 

You think ‘If I could just be free of this sex addiction’ or be ‘normal,’ and enjoy behavior without having the feeling of it being out of control or going too far.  A typical day for you may be spent intending to be productive or having worthwhile things to do, but invariably something happens that derails your plans and you wind up back in the same cycle of self-destructive using or acting out that you try most to avoid.  You may have intended to limit the particular behavior you feel addicted to, but for the hundredth or thousandth time crossed the boundary into over-use, leaving you with a feeling of futility despite all your efforts to control your sexual behavior. 

Your Issues With Sex Are Very Common in Men

Compulsive or out of control sexual behavior is a very common issue in our culture, particularly with men, as many men suffer from sexual compulsion due to the pervasive notion that there is something out there that can make us feel better and if we take it or consume it our problems will be solved or lessened.  A lot of things can contribute to this type of behavior, such as a family history of addictions, family history of mental illness, prior or childhood abuse and neglect, and untreated mental disorders.  Virtually every family has at least one member who suffers from treated or untreated addiction, with some families having many family members who have suffered from some type of addiction.  The good news is that your affliction is very treatable, and with good therapy there is hope for a better life to come. 

Therapy for Compulsive Sexual Behavior is the Way Out

Therapy can be very effective in helping people overcome addictions of all sorts.  Particular treatment modalities such as EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), Image Transformation Therapy (ImTT), and Brainspotting can be very helpful in working with previous life traumas, emotional pain and fear, and particular memory and behavior linkages in the brain to help break the pattern of unhealthy use and behavior that may have gotten you into this in the first place. Through reworking any previous life traumas that may have contributed to you developing your compulsive or out of control sexual behavior, as well as teaching you effective coping behaviors to deal with potential triggers, therapy can help you break unhealthy patterns of using or other behaviors that have left you feeling out of control in one or more areas of your life.  Although you may or may not be able to return to some ‘normal’ amount of your particular sexual behavior, depending on what the behavior is you feel addicted to, you can at least lead a functional and healthy life from this point forward. 

My approach is to first establish a safe and supportive environment with my form of therapy where we become a collaborative team in exploring your problem and willingness to change.  Once an adequate amount of desire to change is established, we can then work on addressing the underlying cause of your compulsive or out-of-control behavior.  We will also work on coping skills that can help to decrease the behaviors and/or using that has gotten you into this trouble in the first place.  Some of these will be tailor-made for your situation, others more tried and true.  It doesn't matter if you suffer from internet addiction, 'sex addiction,' love addiction, or porn addiction.  Again, the good news is that you can get addiction help so that you are no longer dogged by an unrelenting desire to use or act out in whatever behavior you deem to be unhealthy for you.  You no longer will be ruled by what fed your addictive behavior and will regain an ability to choose what you want to do instead of being compulsively driven into the old behavior and ways of living.

Some Common Objections to Getting Treatment for Compulsive or Out of Control Sexual Behavior

If I admit I have a problem with compulsive or out of control sexual behavior, everybody will be on my case to ‘get better.’  They may already be on your case despite you not admitting you have a problem, and once you do admit you have a problem you have already taken an important step to overcoming the problem.  You will then find you have support you hadn't been aware of in getting better.  

I don’t think I have a problem, but others in my life do.  Isn't the problem theirs, anyway? The problem with compulsive or out of control sexual behavior is that the person suffering from it is often the last person to know about it.  Most others in this person's life will be very aware of the person’s problem, and will be trying to come to grips with it.  They do have a problem, but it is a by-product of your problem.

Can’t I just do this on my own without getting help?  No one ever overcame an compulsive or out of control sexual behavior without getting help from someone else.  The nature of addictions are that they are very isolative in nature and fester in this kind of situation.  Getting addiction help is the simplest way out of this dilemma.

What Qualifies Me to Help You   

I have been working with individuals on this issue in some form or fashion for my entire career, either as a therapist, supportive friend, or mentor.  I have trained in several modes of therapy that can help alleviate this type of behavior.  Specifically EMDR (referred to above), and ImTT (also mentioned above) have great benefit for individuals in treating addictions and compulsive behavior.  I also have training in a combination individual and group treatment method that has a solid track record of success over a 30-plus year timespan.  I have witnessed the toll addictions have taken in the lives of family and friends.  So I can assure you I have a thorough knowledge of the inner workings of addictions as well as a good clinical grasp of the issue.

I am available for a free 45 minute in-person screening if you would like to talk with me and figure out if therapy could help you to deal with your particular compulsive or out of control sexual behavior(s).  I prefer a phone call first at 512-374-0100.  You can e-mail me at to schedule an appointment at my office in Austin.  

Take this free quiz to help determine if you suffer from compulsive or out of control sexual behavior.

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