Do you feel like you and your partner are just trying to get by and make do all the time? Do you sometimes feel like you and your partner are just kind of going through the motions of life? If you answered yes to either of these questions then you may very well be living in survival mode, and I encourage you to read on!
Survival Mode is the Reality for Many Couples Right Now
We happen to be living in a time when most couples are stretched thin because of increasing demands, especially economic insecurity, and the demands of work and family life. This winds up leaving very little time for people to devote much energy and effort towards improving their relationships. The survival mode mentality can be very draining and stressful for you, your relationship, and your family.
Survival Mode Has Become the Default for Many People in Our World
Most people, couples, and families are stretched thin because of the increasing demands that our current circumstances place on us. At times it can seem like the world is spinning out of control, which includes a perpetual state of dysregulation. This can take a mighty toll on your primary relationship. If nothing else, it can leave very little time to focus on oneself or your relationship. Living in survival mode in many ways is not really living… especially in terms of realizing your full potential!
How Survival Mode Can Erode Your Relationship
There are several ways that being in survival mode tends to degrade your relationships with your partner and family. One of these is that it increases the chances of you both getting chippy with each other. When both of you are stressed and fraught, it is very difficult to be able to focus on what you’re feeling, as well as to take the emotional temperature in the relationship. You can also make it seem like you and your partner are working against each other somehow despite how much you truly do care for one another.
Couples Therapy Can Help You Counter Survival Mode
Below are 4 ways that couples therapy can help your deal with the state of being in survival mode:
Preventing blaming yourself or your partner: good couples therapy can help you both understand that neither of you are to blame for the situation that you are in. You may have very degrees of accountability to each other for the situation you’re in, but not really has nothing to do with anyone being at fault.
Keeping a team focus: the key here is that you and your partner are part of a team, and being able to keep that focus on being on a team can help you both endure hard times together. And good teammates don’t work across purposes with each other.
Seeing the phase your relationship is in and having a long-term focus: good and healthy couples therapy recognizes that there are phases of relationship development, and the course of your relationship development is important to be aware of.
Developing resiliency: along the same lines, you can understand that difficult circumstances are a temporary thing. With the proper focus, you both can recover from the situation you’re in and move forward to a better tomorrow.
What If Survival Mode Has Become a Perpetual Thing?
If it seems like you and your partner will never emerge from survival mode intact, then I encourage you to seek help from me or another couples therapist. I’ve helped many couples to emerge from difficult circumstances and become a better version of themselves going forward. I encourage you to contact me in one of three ways if you live in MD or VA so I can talk with you and your partner to get a better idea about whether I can help you with your particular experience of struggle. Just call my number above, click the schedule consultation button, or submit a form below to start the process. There is a better and brighter future in store for you and your relationship if you are willing to work to make it the priority that it needs to be for your best and highest good!
Visit our page on couples therapy to find out how Scott can help you get out of survival mode!
About the author: Scott Kampschaefer, LCSW is a private practice therapist in Frederick, Maryland. He has an extensive background in working with depression, anxiety, and bipolar disorder at a clinic for older adults with these disorders in Austin, Texas. He now works with adults and adolescents 14 and up in private practice. His most recent book is titled The 5 Pillars of Addiction Recovery and is available for purchase on Amazon and in paperback on this website.