Does it feel insincere when people compliment you for something? Do you find that you tend to discount positive things people say about you? If you do, then I encourage you to read on.
Trauma and Compliments Don’t Mix Well Together
Since we have so much trauma in our everyday world, it can complicate how we respond to interactions with others. This can be particularly true when others are talking positively to you, and can bring up feelings of mistrust because of that trauma. It can become very difficult to figure out just who or what to believe when people are talking to you.
Socialization Difficulties Are Normal With Trauma
Because of how awkward interactions with others can be, you can easily feel a great deal of discomfort interacting with others. That’s fairly typical these days, as more and more people spend time on their screens than they do interacting in real time with other people.
Here are the 4 reasons trauma can make compliments feel uncomfortable:
Cognitive dissonance
Shame
Suspiciousness
Low self-esteem
Cognitive dissonance has to do with this discrepancy between how others are describing you and how you view yourself. People with trauma tend to have this in abundance. Shame tends to go with trauma as a routine symptom, and the suspiciousness rises from a tendency towards hypervigilance along with a skewed self-perception. Low self-esteem also tends to go with a history of trauma as well, and will lead you to discount the positive things other people say about you.
What To Do About the Discomfort of Others Compliments
First of all, instead of rejecting the positive things that people say about you, it is important to understand how trauma will tend to negatively skew your self perception. Simply saying ‘thank you’ for a compliment is important to express appreciation, regardless of how it feels to you. Gratitude is a key way of being able to counter the destructive effects of trauma and other mental illnesses.
Other Ways to Help with Compliment Discomfort
Finding ways to address a lack of self-esteem is also important in improving your overall mental health. Trying to focus on your inherent dignity and worth as a person can be very important for improving self-perception and keeping you from rejecting compliments from others. Understanding that this is a result of the negative messages and negative core beliefs that you picked up from the trauma is important to overcome this. Having a safe, calm, or peaceful place that you can imagine for yourself and experiencing some positive feelings about being able to bring this experience up in yourself can be an important starting place for improving self-esteem.
When to Seek Professional Help for Trauma
Consistently experiencing a negative mood and negative perceptions about yourself despite what people who you really trust say about you is an important reason to seek professional help. Many, many people have experienced traumas of some sort, and there are now more ways of recovering from trauma than ever before. I encourage you to reach out for help if the symptoms become severe or impair your ability to function socially or interpersonally. Feel free to click on the contact button below or consultation button above if you live in MD or VA for a free 15 minute phone consultation if you are so inclined. I’ve been helping my clients to overcome trauma for the entirety of my social work career. You deserve to have a life that is fulfilling and allows you to take in all of the positive things that life has to offer, including positive compliments, and feedback from others.
Written by Scott Kampschaefer, LCSW – C
Visit our page on trauma therapy to find out more about how Scott can help you with discomfort with compliments.
