https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EXW9mA-bUmM&t=2648s
Transcript from interview. Starts at 32:30 minutes:
Disclaimer: the views of the program hosts are not necessarily those of Scott Kampschaefer, LCSW-C.
Dani Gurrie: How are you Scott?
Scott: I’m doing well, thank you. How are you?
Dani: I’m great, thank you so much. So we just chatted on the phone recently and you are a licensed clinical social worker. Those are the letters you’ve earned after your name, plus others I’m sure, so tell me a little bit about your practice and we’ll talk a little bit about why you do what you do
Scott: Well, I practice mental health counseling on TJ Drive here in Frederick and I’ve been in this line of work for what’s going on 17 years now, and I specialize in working with people who have trauma issues and developed more of niche recently and working with men who have compulsive or addictive sexual behavior and after doing that for 5 to 10 years now have developed an ability to get into their heads as far as what they are struggling with in their relationships and have become more of a relationship coach for them and that led me into being interested in working with couples who struggle with infidelity. In particular, some kind of entrepreneurs and executive gentlemen that I’ve worked with. They struggled with relationship issues, even though they were very successful and their careers. A lot of them have relationships basically dumpster fires, and working with them in their partners is really a new direction that I’ve started heading in just because you know, a lot of people struggle with issues infidelity all the way from emotional affairs to out and out sex addiction, which a number of my clients going back and struggle with in their lives.
Dani: Yeah and I think you know it was interesting cause we were actually just talking about like the mental health issues in the United States as a whole, certainly after hearing about the young person with a gun in the school and in Montgomery County, you know we feel like that there is a lot that can be done to help people and I know when I talk with therapists like yourself once you kind of get out into the public, your schedules get booked up very quickly, so I mean, I guess it’s a good thing that people are seeking out mental health support but what are you finding as a therapist in your recent years. Do you find more people find it acceptable and are seeking you out to help?
Scott: Yes, yeah definitely. Especially with the younger generations. I have two stepsons who are Zoomers and then some niece and nephews who are Millennials and fortunately for them, they seem to have fewer compunctions about reaching out for help, and like well I have to do it on my own and I have to take care of myself, even though I’ve worked with older adults in the early part of my career, that’s a strength that they’re willing to reach out for help and that’s become a significant part of my private practice now is working with some of this younger generation, although I still see some older adults, because you know I’m not as young as I used to be, I spent a goodly number of years in my former career of public and private education. I can appreciate a lot of what, you know, the school struggles are these days, so I’m sorry to hear about that young man.
Dani: Yeah and you know couples therapy too. I mean, obviously you know if you look at the divorce rate in the United States over the past 50 years I mean, it’s literally just continues to increase so you know I think it’s very important for people to, I guess not not make that the number one results how do you help couples kind of move past the hey we’re gonna get a divorce to hey, we’re gonna try to figure out if we can make this work like what what does that look like?
Scott: Well, it has to do with understanding that as a partner in a couple relationship, a married relationship chiefly, that you are part of an ecosystem that is bigger than you being part of a couple and that adds a lot to your life. Sure you can be independent, you know totally independent and not need anybody, but that’s not really something that most people you know have is their number one you know focus in life because just as things have evolved in our society the primacy of a partner relationship has taken on more significance and to be able to learn to function in a relationship in a way that fosters growth in that coupleship rather than it’s just being for me and I’ll just do what I want and I won’t take any consideration for what my partner thanks for feels you know that’s that’s a prescription for misery unfortunately conscious of a lot of people in their couple relationships is like what’s in this for me, and is that there’s a lot in there for you rather even if you’re not focused totally on yourself.
Dani: Right yeah and a lot of people don’t realize that you know as couples navigate their relationship you bring with you all the traumas or baggage I guess so to speak from your whole life, and if those aren’t worked out, it’s very difficult to have an emotionally secure relationship with anyone much less a spouse with all of the, you know, stresses that go on with just being married having kids navigating all of that and yeah, just trying to kind of fix yourself as much as you can before you can give it to someone else yeah oh I see pet loss trauma. I’m looking through your blog right now and yeah that’s that tough one when people I mean look our four-legged friends are a family really, for sure, I like it. What is that if you could offer kind of a little free advice today if someone is having a hard time in their marriage, you know what are a couple things that someone could do right now to help bring up or look to therapy you know how do you bring that up to a partner who may not have been open to hearing that in the past or maybe it’s not been discussed and partly it can be a situation where if, you know your partner is not otherwise gonna seek out help or treatment then you encouraging the two of you to go to couples therapy to be potentially less intimidating then say well I think you need therapy help and sometimes that’s the only way to get some people into therapy is through couples therapy. But just being very intentional about trying to find ways where you can make your relationship better if you’re not prone to speaking up to your partner about things that are bothering you and your growth agenda is probably going to speak up or if you’re like well this is what I want and you’ve gotta give it to me then think about what do I need to do to potentially dial that back because I may be the one who’s the only one speaking out in the relationship and my partner speak up for themselves on behalf of the relationship at least some of the time and what about for young?
Dani: Yea and what about for anyone maybe who is not married yet but maybe in a committed relationship thinking about getting married maybe they’re engaged do you have some advice for them on maybe seeking out some couples therapy kind of pre-marriage and before maybe anything is actually happened to make sure they’re on the same page about is that anything that you would recommend or offer?
Scott: Certainly, I have a couple of couples that are, a couple of couples, at least a few are not married in the process of exploring increasing their commitment, younger and older and just helping them identify what kind of a relationship is that that you both want, number one and then if you both want the same kind of relationship in terms of, you know, just different aspects of it and what’s getting in the way of you having that kind of relationship. That being said, it is a little bit harder with couples who are not already married to push them. I don’t want to say push, but to lead them further and increasing their degree of commitment that might not be ready to go into yet so that makes a little more dicey because you know unless they’re married and they’ve been together a long time there’s gonna be more inclination to be like, well you know, I think I’ll just try somebody else for another situation because the heat‘s getting a little bit too intense in here.
Dani: Right. Yeah well if you want to reach out to Scott you can do so his website is scottkampschaeferlcsw.com. Welcome to Frederick I know you have been here for a while, but you originally come from Houston welcome to a Maryland winter. I mean it’s really a shock to all of our systems even if you’ve been here before, but we’re so glad you’re part of our community and helping people both individually and as couples, you know, have a great relationship and find some peace and happiness. I think that’s what we all want for sure.
Scott: Thank you so much for having me on Dani. It’s been a pleasure.
Visit our page on couples therapy to find out how Scott can help you in your relationship.
About the author: Scott Kampschaefer, LCSW is a private practice therapist in Frederick, Maryland. He has an extensive background in working with depression, anxiety, and bipolar disorder at a clinic for older adults with these disorders in Austin, Texas. He now works with adults and adolescents 14 and up in private practice. His most recent book is titled The 5 Pillars of Addiction Recovery and is available for purchase on Amazon and in paperback on this website.