Do you ever wonder why you have difficulty trusting men, or have very few male friends compared to female friends in your life? If you answered yes to either one or both parts of this question then you probably have the father wound and would do well to read on.
The Father Wound is a Societal Problem
Most people in the world grow up in a patriarchal culture, and to that extent suffer from some form of the father wound. More specifically, many people have grown up in families where the father figure was either absent or was abusive or neglectful. This leaves their families suffering from some degree of trauma, even if there was no active abuse in the family.
Cultural Expectations and the Father Wound
Most, if not all of the cultural expectations about men through the years have been very unrealistic. Men are simultaneously expected to be both strong and emotionally vulnerable in our current times. Men have also been very limited in how or what means of emotional expression there they’ve been culturally encouraged to express over the generations, and oftentimes are socially and/or emotionally isolated.
It’s no wonder that so many people grow up with a father wound considering most fathers have wounds that they have carried through the generations from their fathers and grandfathers.
How to Identify the Father Wound
The two questions that I posed at the beginning of the blog post are key symptoms of the father wound. Growing up in an overly strict home is also one of the key signs of the father wound, as well as feeling like the only two feelings that you can express are either anger or lust if you’re a man. Having a lot of anger or resentment towards your father can also be a sign of the father wound also.
The Hidden Father Wound
Some people idealize their fathers and try to emulate them in every way. This being said, you can also suffer from the father wound to the extent that you emulate your father and unquestioningly take on negative traits of his. For example, a father who was a womanizer or habitually lies can raise a son to do the same. They may not know any different and assume this is the way that men “just are.”
Recovering From the Father Wound
One of the most important ways that you can recover from the father wound is to find male role models who embody healthy male energy. You may have been fortunate enough to know some of these individuals as teachers, bosses, other relatives, or even friends.
Learning to internalize what these men embody is an important part of healing the father wound. Also developing friendships with men who are able to be authentic despite the cultural norms that are put on men is also an important way to recover yourself.
How to Know When to Seek Help in Recovering
You know you need help in recovering from the father wound when despite your best efforts to escape the past or change a pattern of unconsciously repeating your father‘s serious flaws you just can’t seem to change. Strong memories that are either stuck in your brain or ones that you know must have existed that you can’t access are signs that you should seek out therapy help.
There are gifted therapists out there who focus on addressing father wound trauma and can do a great deal to help you in your work to recover from this trauma and lead an authentic life for your and your family’s growth and well-being. I encourage you to reach out to me or others for help if you realize you need it.
Written by Scott Kampschaefer LCSW – C
Visit our page on trauma therapy to find out how Scott can help you in recovering from the father wound.
