Do you ever feel worn down because of a prior relationship you were in? Do you wonder if you’ll ever be able to connect meaningfully with other partners after a painful break up? If you answered yes to either of these two questions then you may be struggling with the aftermath of a toxic relationship, and would do well to continue reading.
Toxic Relationships Have Always Been a Problem
We live in a time when so much pressure is put on relationships to provide much or most of the interpersonal support we need. That makes it doubly hard when we are in a relationship with someone who is constitutionally unable to meet those needs, and actually winds up working against them by having consistently conflictual interactions with you.
What Are Toxic Relationships?
A toxic relationship is one in which you and another person have inherently conflictual interactions. It may not have started out that way, but at some point the negative interactions or fights have enhanced ferocity to them even though your feelings of attraction for them might be equally strong. In these cases, there’s a polarity between affection and animosity, and there seems to be no way to find a middle ground with this person until things become so bitter that there’s really no way to make the relationship work for both of you. They can be based on trauma bonds, which I have written about previously.
How Therapy Can Help Heal the Trauma From Toxic Relationships
One of the key things to address in the wake of a toxic relationship is a potentially battered sense of self-esteem and interpersonal boundaries. Working on rebuilding your self-esteem and a sense of having boundaries can be critical to moving forward. In addition to that there are several trauma therapies that can be helpful for healing from the potentially severe emotional wounds of being in a toxic relationship. One of these is EMDR, which stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. This is a reliable and time-tested means of moving forward and resolving relational trauma from a recent relationship and those long ago.
“You don’t have to be a man to be a man.” Maya Angelo
Recovering From Toxic Relationships Relationally
In addition to the trauma and recovering self-esteem and personal boundaries, it also becomes important to learn how to relate in healthier manners in future relationships. Some of this work can be done individually, but much of it happens as you move into a new relationship. There will be the tendency to react to new partners in ways that you learned to in toxic relationships from the past. Being able to identify these unhealthy patterns and work on them as they come up can be very important. Some of this can be done individually, but much of that work can be best addressed in a couples therapy format.
What If You Continue to Struggle in Recovering From Toxic Relationships?
Being open to getting therapy help is not something that comes naturally for many people. You can take courage to reach out for help, but the fact that you’re reading this blog post is encouraging by itself. I’ve been helping my clients to recover from the effects of toxic relationships for my entire social work career, and would be happy to talk with you about how I might be able to help you in your recovery process. I am certified in EMDR and also do Image Transformation Therapy, or ImTT. Just call the number at the top of the screen, fill out the contact form below, or click the schedule consult button above to get a free 15 minute phone consult to get a better idea about whether I can help you with your particular healing journey. You owe it to yourself, to your family, and to future relationships to take care of this matter very deliberately.
Visit our page on trauma therapy to learn more about how Scott can help you to recover from toxic relationships.
About the author: Scott Kampschaefer, LCSW is a private practice therapist in Frederick, Maryland. He has an extensive background in working with depression, anxiety, and bipolar disorder at a clinic for older adults with these disorders in Austin, Texas. He now works with adults and adolescents 14 and up in private practice. His most recent book is titled The 5 Pillars of Addiction Recovery and is available for purchase on Amazon and in paperback on this website.