Do you struggle with feeling grateful despite trying to practice appreciation in your life? Do you sometimes envy others who seem to embody a spirit of thankfulness that you feel you lack? Have you given up on thankfulness altogether because it seems like it’s just a waste of time? Read on if you answered yes to any of the above questions, as this offering may help you have a breakthrough as it did for me.
True Gratitude is a Rarity in Our Times
So many people are engaged in frenetic activity to acquire possessions, experiences, and power that they routinely ignore gratitude for what they have. Even those who appear to have the most to be thankful for are often among the most cranky and chronically discontented people. Our culture emphasizes getting and having more, which fosters a focus on what you lack instead of what you have. This goes against the notion of appreciation and keeps you further from inner peace.
Gratitude As a Counter-cultural Phenomenon
Given what I just mentioned above, practicing appreciation is something that goes against the grain of popular culture. Focusing on lack instead of sufficiency creates a self-sustaining cycle of feeling less than, envy, and want. Gratitude only gets top billing on Thanksgiving, which often becomes more about stuffing your face and watching football on TV instead of really focusing on what there is to be thankful for. The key here is to focus on how the work of gratitude is an internal task for each of us that nobody can do for us. We each have to find and choose what we are thankful for and work with that, however meager we think our lives are.
Gratitude Guided Meditation Steps:
Find a place where you can sit quietly. Close your eyes and take a few deep relaxing breaths.
Call to mind 3 good things in your life. They could be friends, family members, a favorite pet, your spouse/relationship partner, a precious memento, or a special place; but it’s more about what your heart is appreciative of.
Visualize each of those in your mind’s eye and visualize sending thanks to one at a time.
Focus on your chest and visualize a warm glow starting in your heart. See it grow and sense a warm glow that brings a smile to you.
Visualize a similar response from the subject of your gratitude as well, and sense a smiling back at you (or something similar to it) as the subject receives your thanks. Repeat this for the other 2 above as well.
When you feel like the experience is complete, gently open your eyes and acknowledge thanks if you feel it has been helpful.
From Gratitude to Grace
After having done an exercise like this, you hopefully noticed the relational component to the exercise in the presence of the subject of your gratitude. Some spiritual thinkers, consider this relational aspect to be an experience of grace. In other words, we express appreciation and something flows back to us in one way or another. It sets you up for a cycle of more of the same, and reverses the cycle of lack and seeking to get ‘more’ of whatever it is you find lacking. It can also help to create a sense of actual abundance in place of lack, however nonsensical that may seem on the surface. This is an antidote to the depression that often sits on the surface for so many people that suffer from underlying trauma and PTSD. It’s not a cure, but does go a long way to helping further your individual recovery process by actually changing what your mind focuses on.
What If You Continue to Struggle with Gratitude?
While I’m not a spiritual guide, I have definitely been helping my clients for my entire social work career to experience gratitude in their lives. If you can’t seem to experience appreciation about anything in your life, I encourage you to call the number at the top of the page or fill out an inquiry form below if you live in Maryland or Virginia to get a free 15-minute phone consult with me so I can get a better idea about whether I can help you with your own emotional struggles. Whether it’s with me or another clinician, I do wholeheartedly encourage you to keep trying to find the thankfulness within you and within your relationships. It can certainly be the key to turning things around for your mood and your life as a whole!
Visit our page on trauma therapy to find out about how Scott can help you with gratitude.
About the author: Scott Kampschaefer, LCSW is a private practice therapist in Frederick, Maryland. He has an extensive background in working with depression, anxiety, and bipolar disorder at a clinic for older adults with these disorders in Austin, Texas. He now works with adults and adolescents 14 and up in private practice. His most recent book is titled The 5 Pillars of Addiction Recovery and is available for purchase on Amazon and in paperback on this website.