Do you suffer from trauma and wonder why you can help others to identify what they need, but tend to struggle to identify your own? Do you tend to be more of a giver than other people that you know? If you answered yes to both of these questions then you probably struggle with recognizing your own needs, so please do read on!
Trauma is a Continually Growing Problem
If you think that trauma is becoming a growing problem in our day and time, then you are correct. We live in a time when we are suffering from interpersonal crises, environmental crises, international strife, and the list of other crises keeps growing. Trauma is a natural reaction to a situation where one’s nervous system is overwhelmed from too much stimuli, particularly negative stimuli.
Not Knowing Your Needs is Typical With Trauma
Anyone who’s been through major trauma in their lives and attest to the fact that recognizing one’s own needs was not a priority when they were just trying to survive a very difficult situation.
Survival mode is not a condition that lends itself to reflecting on what you need other than just to get out alive from a difficult circumstance. So it’s natural that you would not have a clear focus and priority on what your needs are at any given time. It isn’t necessary for you to be in mortal danger to suffer from trauma. Any kind of abuse or neglect can cause trauma.
3 Reasons Trauma Survivors Struggle in Identifying Their Own Needs
Family of origin are bringing: if members of your own family did not model for you any kind of significant self-care, then you’re going to be more inclined to ignore your own needs.
Emotional numbing: this is the result of shock in reaction to trauma, which tends to numb out emotional cues that would let you know that you have needs that need to be met if you were in touch with them.
Trauma survivors tend to live from the “neck up.“ This is paraphrased from a quote by the noted psychiatrist Bessel Van der Kolk, who has written at length on how trauma survivors tend to be in touch more with their thinking than the physical sensations that their body would make them aware of otherwise. This does relate somewhat to the previous reason, but is more physiological in origin.
(Note: There may very well be more reasons for not recognizing your own needs because of trauma, and this list was not meant to be exhaustive.)
Trauma Survivors Can Learn to Be More Aware of Their Needs
Anything that helps you get more in touch with your body is probably going to be helpful in recognizing your own needs. Mindfulness practices, meditation, and yoga can all work together to help promote whole body awareness. And this can be a big way to help you get in touch with your own needs.
Working on developing your emotional intelligence is also another way to help to recognize your own needs. There are numerous sources on emotional intelligence. If you are particularly aware of the emotions that go with trauma, such as fear and emotional pain, then you will increase your own self-awareness and learn to attend to your emotional life, which is a key to trauma recovery.
When to Seek Professional Help for Trauma
One of the other keys to recognizing your own needs is to get therapy help if your symptoms become strong and or long lasting. I encourage you to click on the contact button below if you want to learn more about the trauma recovery process.
Visit Scott’s page on trauma therapy to learn more about how therapy can aid in recovering from trauma.