Do you or your partner tend to share about issues within your relationship online? Do you feel like your partner is sharing online about things that you should be talking about between yourselves instead? If you answered yes to either of these questions, then I encourage you to read on.
How the Private Becomes Public
We’re living in a day and time when virtually all of people’s private business can and often does get aired online in social media or other formats and platforms. It’s also a time when people’s private information tends to get used and monetized in ways that are against their best interests. Exercising good judgment is a key to limiting or eliminating this problem.
Getting Likes or Emojis is the Thing
We all tend to be motivated by reward systems, and the instant feedback that social media tends to provide, either positive or negative, plays a big role for most people in their online behavior. The problem comes when you’re sharing things about your relationship that you really need to talk about with your partner instead.
Boundaries and Venting or Airing Grievances
It’s very common for people to vent or air grievances about things online, but what about things that your partner says and does that you have a problem with? We all need to be able to confide in other people, but when we’re doing this within the context of an algorithm or an AI bot that really can’t empathize with what we’re dealing with then it’s a whole different situation.
How Couples Therapy Can Help
As a part of effective couples therapy, each partner is encouraged to turn to their partner instead of looking outside of the relationship for those needs to be met. Of course, we all have relationship needs that go beyond the scope of our primary relationship to provide. When it has to do with the inner workings of your relationship or things that you really ought not to divulge online that it becomes another matter.
When Trust Needs to Be Rebuilt
Many times we start losing trust in our partners when they don’t have kind or compassionate responses to the things that we tell them. This has a way of contributing to people getting into affairs and other kinds of trysts that will worsen things in the relationship. Couples therapy can help people to refocus on doing things that tend to rebuild trust instead of erode it.
Improving Communication and Then Some
Many couples struggle to communicate effectively, but this isn’t mostly a matter of knowing what words to say. It’s more a matter of developing a healthy mindset that seeks to connect and to be relational instead of just simply formulating healthy verbiage in the hopes that your partner will hear it and respond positively. So many forms of therapy are not focused on dealing with the kind of resistance that most people have to being able to handle things in a “wise adult“ manner. Effective couples therapy addresses this exact kind of problem.
How to Know When to Seek Professional Help
If you or your partner tends to confide more in chat bots, social media platforms, or other random individuals that don’t know about you, it may be time to see professional help. I and many of my colleagues have a much better ability to help than any of these electronic entities to bring back the human element to improve your relationship and make it something that is a refuge instead of a thing that you keep trying to escape from in order to get your needs met. I encourage you to not only do this for yourself, but for your family and loved ones also.
Written by Scott Kampschaefer LCSW – C
Visit our page on couples therapy to find out how Scott can help you with sharing outside the relationship.
